The Tree Within: Reclaiming Capacity, Restoring Health

Just like trees adapt to wind by deepening their roots and strengthening their structure, our nervous systems can grow more resilient when given the right conditions. But we need more than quick fixes—we need fertile soil, deep roots, and strong inner scaffolding.

Band-Aids Have Their Place... But They’re Not the Whole Story

Vagus nerve hacks and nervous system “biohacks” are great; just like Band-Aids.And thank goodness for Band-Aids. I’m so glad we have sterile dressings and first aid.

But if you’re getting cut every day, eventually it makes sense to ask:

Why am I getting hurt? What’s causing the wound in the first place?

You can keep cleaning debris from the wound, applying antibiotic cream, and changing the dressing but none of that is stopping the injury from happening again tomorrow.

Real healing means asking deeper questions. It means creating the conditions for your body to not only survive but thrive.

And that begins with understanding how your nervous system works and what it truly needs to feel safe, rooted, and strong.

Nervous System Resilience Is Like Tree Resilience

Most vagus nerve hacks are backed by science. They do help. 

But they’re not the foundation—they’re supports. The real work is about building your internal ecosystem.

When a tree grows in windy conditions, it doesn’t just snap. It adapts. The swaying triggers growth: stronger supporting cells, deeper roots, thicker trunks, and shorter branches. It may even develop a special kind of tissue called reaction wood, which gives extra strength and flexibility to withstand stress.

This happens through natural signaling. Wind causes the tree to release auxins, plant hormones that stimulate the growth of supporting cells and promote rooting.

Your nervous system is the same. When it’s nurtured through connection, safety, and slowness it doesn't need to fight or flee or shut down as often. It becomes stable, fluid, adaptable.

You’re no longer constantly scrambling to “get regulated.”You just are regulated.Your roots are deep. Your trunk is supple. You can bend with the weather without breaking.

Because, yes, storms will come. We’re human. We live on this wild, unpredictable planet. But with enough inner strength, you can move through the storms and remain standing.

Reimagining the Window of Tolerance: From Endurance to Capacity

I want to invite you to look at the concept of the Window of Tolerance through a new lens—and to even rename it. I prefer the term Window of Capacity.

Why? Because tolerance implies enduring, putting up with, surviving something.And for people pleasers, many of whom have spent a lifetime enduring discomfort to keep others happy, that word can carry the weight of burnout and self-abandonment.

Capacity, however, is different.It speaks to what we are able and willing to hold, from a place of choice and strength.It honors our boundaries. It speaks to growth, not just grit.

What Is the Window of Capacity?

Your Window of Capacity is the range of nervous system states in which you can stay present, connected, and grounded even as life inevitably brings stress, sadness, excitement, and surprise.

Inside the window, you're able to ride the wave of your emotions, respond (rather than react), and stay anchored in your authentic self.

This doesn’t mean you're always calm or never challenged. It means your nervous system has enough space, energy, and resilience to engage with life and recover from difficulty without flipping into hyperarousal or collapsing into shutdown.

When you're inside your Window of Capacity, you can:

• Feel stress or urgency without losing yourself to panic.

• Be tired without disconnecting from your body or relationships.

• Navigate conflict without appeasing or shutting down.

• Move through activation (like taking action or setting boundaries) and settle back into connection and rest.

When you’re pushed outside this window, your system may move into:

• Hyperarousal — anxiety, overwhelm, people-pleasing, compulsive doing.

• Hypoarousal — numbness, fog, exhaustion, disconnection.

And trauma—especially chronic stress or developmental trauma—can narrow your window, making everyday interactions feel like too much or not enough.

Visualizing Your Window as a Living Tree

Most nervous system models show the Window of Tolerance as two horizontal lines with a wavy line in between; a useful visual of bouncing between high and low states.But I like imagining something a bit more dynamic:

Visualize your window vertically, like a tree.

There are still two edges (the thresholds of hyper and hypo arousal) but now they run to the left and right. And at the center is you: a living, breathing tree growing inside that window.

• The roots are your daily practices: grounding, rest, breathwork, bodywork, nature, spirituality.

• The trunk is your inner strength, your ability to bend and not break.

• The branches and leaves are your creativity, connection, and purpose; the ways you reach toward the world.

The winds of life; grief, change, illness, opportunity will blow.But with deep roots and a supple trunk, your nervous system can adapt and withstand rather than collapse or overreact.

People Pleasers, This Is For You — Especially If You're Living With Chronic Pain

If you’re a people pleaser, your nervous system likely developed a narrow window in early life. You learned, often without words, that connection was fragile, and your safety depended on how well you could manage others’ emotions.

So you adapted.

You learned to suppress your own needs, soften your truth, over-give, smile through discomfort.You tilted toward appeasing, fawning, over-accommodating, or numbing out to avoid conflict.

But here’s what most people don’t tell you:People pleasing is not your personality. It’s a nervous system survival strategy.

And while it may have protected you once, over time, it comes at a cost.

When your system is chronically caught in hyperarousal; anxious, vigilant, always “on” it eventually burns out. And when you can’t escape, fight, or fix the situation, your body shifts into a shutdown response.Your biology is trying to protect you — by numbing, freezing, collapsing — even though it may look like you’re just "tired" or "not yourself."

This chronic dysregulation doesn’t just affect your mood.It shows up in your body often in the form of persistent, unexplained, or misunderstood pain.

You may be living with:

• Migraines or tension headaches

• TMJ and jaw tightness

• Fibromyalgia

• IBS and digestive distress

• Chronic fatigue

• Pelvic pain

• Chronic Lyme

• Autoimmune flares

• Mysterious inflammation or cyclical pain that doctors can’t quite pin down

These aren’t “all in your head.” They’re in your nervous system. They’re signs that your body has been living in survival mode for too long. That your roots need tending. That your system needs safety, rest, and space.

The good news?

You can repattern.

You can grow roots so deep and wide that you no longer abandon yourself to stay connected.You can learn to hold discomfort, say no, receive care, and remain rooted in your truth; not because it’s easy, but because you’ve built the capacity to do so.

Healing begins when your body is safe enough to come out of survival. When it feels nourished enough to do more than endure.

And that’s not something you force — it’s something you grow.

So if you're exhausted and aching and wondering if this is just how life has to be — it’s not.Your body hasn’t betrayed you.It’s been protecting you.And now, it’s asking for something more.

Let’s give it the roots, rest, and room it needs to come back to life.